truth uttered and also unspoken

There are things unspoken which stand true...things that are good to know but even if not revealed still better coz gives you more reasons to love.
It is also good not to say the whole thing because what are you left with otherwise! Sometimes it's wise not to give away everything that you hold inside and if these are words... not saying any of it pays you off...It wins you some people and also helps sometimes to let some people go off ... people that you can manage without ...
You can't be making sense to all the people ...May be your truth doesn't matter to them...Which is fine coz sometimes someone else's truth doesn't matter to you...
I'm drinking everyday (these days) that's one truth about me...Some don't give a damn about it and some feel bad...Out of the people who feel bad there are some genuinely interested in me and some don't give a fuck at all...
Live and let live...

The Dalai Lama Speaks

Compassion can be inculcated through education alone, n not through faith etc.
Through education the

Anger creates negative image of the person we are angry with. We feel or see that person as too bad, but gradually that perception changes with the type of information we come across and the situation we are in...

Develop an unbiased love...it may need training oneself.

Longewala battle field Rajasthan

Not so close though but still witnessed today the very spot where in 1965 our indian army gave a strong lesson to the intruders... made them to leave the place or die...
The place where one day (52 yrs ago) bullets and canons were on their peak performance... destryong...
I was there today...Kind of imagining it all alive... and feel how would it be for them who were there to start, execute and stop...
I was there today..!

Day at DB ARK

Team if not trained well can be a fiasco 

अमृतसर... तेरे साथ था मैं यहां कल!

अगर कोई ख्वाहिश थी मेरी तेरे साथ कहीं ज़रूर जाने की...तो वो बस अमृतसर जाने की ।
तूने ही सलाह भी दी थी कि चलते हैं...
कोशिश की तुझे मनाने की ताकि ये जो वादा एक क़िस्म का हमने किया था एकदूसरे से वो पूरा कर लें मगर ...वक़्त भी कुछ ऐसा रहा और सोच भी कि शायद यही ठीक है... गए नहीं...

वो होता है ना कि चीजें खुदबखुद होती जाती हैं...मैं गया, और तुझे याद भी किया वहां बैठ के मैंने...
अकेला नहीं था मैं मगर फिर भी था...क्योंकि तुझे अपने साथ सोच कर कुछ और सोचना बस की बात नहीं है मेरे।
चाँद आसमान में कुछ बादलों से घिरा हुआ था...और वो मंदिर का गुम्बद सोने में जड़ा हुआ...पानी की लहरों में हिल हिल कर झिलमिला रहा था। बस मेरी आँखों से देख ले जैसे मैन बयां किया है कुछ इस वक़्त को। गुरबानी जो सूफिया अंदाज़ में लोग गा रहे होते हैं वो इस जगह की खूबसूरती को बरकरार रखने में अहम है।

लाखों लोग होते हैं वहां मो2...मगर जो मुझे महसूस हुआ वो ये कि तू है...और तूने मेरा हाथ ज़ोर से थाम रखा है।
ये ही करना भी था हमें अगर हम एक साथ गए होते तो...और मुझे ये भी मालूम है कि तेरा सर मेरे कंधे पे टिका ज़रूर होता।
मुझे विश्वास नहीं है किसी भगवान या किसी आसमानी सल्तनत में...बस यूं है कि यहां आकर मुझे सुकून मिलता है सिर्फ शांत बैठ जाने में। वो भी इसलिए क्योंकि लोग बड़ी उम्मीद रखते हैं यहां आकर ।

मैं ऐसी जगहों पर सिर्फ तुझे याद कर लिया करता हूं, और अगर आत्माएं होती हैं तो वो बस ये ही एहसास कर पाएंगी कि तेरे बारे में कुछ मन ही मन कुछ कहा है मैंने।

तेरे साथ था मैं यहां कल !

तू याद है ज़िन्दगी भर के लिए

सोचा कि कुछ लिखूं तुझे...लिखा और मिटा दिया।।।

आजकल

दिन बस यूं ही ढल जाया करता है आजकल, क्योंकि कोई खास वजह नहीं मिलती और तकल्लुफ मैं भी नहीं करता ।
बस ये ही चलता रहता है ज़ेहन में कि तुझे भी तो दिक्कत होगी इस बात से क्योंकि तुझे भी थे आदत मेरी। मुझसे हर रोज़, देर तक बात करने की।

हैरान हूं मैं थोड़ा सा कि वक़्त ने बदल दिया तुझे भी! और खुशी इस बात की है कि तू खुश है इस बदलाव में भी...शायद!
याद कर लिया कर मुझे कभी कभी कुछ अरसे के बाद, शायद मुझे थोड़ा सुकून मिलता रहे बस इस रहमत से तेरी।

Growing older...

...Places I've been...N people I've known...
Comes at time to my mind...I'm getting old...Inside...Chasing setting sun...!

निगाह

आंख झरोखा है जिससे होकर रूह झांकती है बाहर...देखती है और खुश हो जाती है कभी, तो कभी धोखा भी खा बैठती है, क्योंकि जो दिख रहा है शायद वो नहीं निकला जो लगा कि शायद वही है।

आंखे ही हैं जो दिमाग के चलाये चलें और चलाएं भी दिमाग को। देख लेती हैं वो सब जो है सामने और जो दिख रहा है।
मगर कुछ ऐसा भी है जो ना देख पाती हैं और इसी बहाने रो कर साफ हो जाया करती हैं कई मर्तबा। (कई दफा/कई बार)
सुनी है मैंने कहानी उस बच्चे की जिसे सबकुछ, हरकोई अच्छा लगता 

एक बात तो है कि जब आंखें ना पहचान पाएं तो दिल ही है जो कुछ इल्म रखता है कि क्या है जिससे तुम रूबरू हो!
एक आवाज़ होती है हमेशा कहीं दूर दिल में जो बता रही होती है कि ऐसा कर ले!, मगर फिर भी हैम वो कर बैठते हैं जो दिल ने गवाही नहीं दी करने को।
शायद हम बिल्कुल नई चाहते उस आवाज़ को सुनना मगर सच तो ये है कि ज़्यादातर वो अंदरूनी आवाज़ शायद हमारी आंखों से भी बेहतर देख पा रही होती है...दिल है।
कर लिया अगर यकीन थोड़ा सा और थोड़ा वक़्त अगर ले लिया कुछ चीज़ों को अंजाम देने से पहले तो शायद बेहतर हो जाये आने वाला वक़्त !

...let go... Passenger...thinking while traveling ...!

...the past is the past...the future is not yet...
You're willing to forgive... may be one you'll forget...
darling isn't it worth a try...worth a try when...
yesterday's gone and tomorrow isn't here...days they're long but how quickly they disappeare...
If learn to let go...so when the pathway becomes so clear...
Darling need that worth a try ...worth a try to see black or blue...perhaps it is just a point of view...Or may be this one is done to you my friend...An u know...
For these moments that have gone...It's so much still to be...Everyday that passes is just a rain drop on the sea...If you learn to let go... maybe one day you'll be free...
Darling need that worth a try ...An need  worth a try to see...Black from blue...Perhaps it's just a point of view...Or may be this one is done to you my friend...

कभी सोच मुझे...मैं वही हूँ

कभी अपनी आंखों को चकाचौंध से बचा कर देख...कोई है जो तेरे खयाल में हाथ बांधे लम्हा लम्हा कर कई घंटे गुज़ार देता है।

सोचता है कि कभी यूं भी तो हो कि मेरी हर लापरवाही या ग़लती के अलावा भी जो एक इंसान है मुझमें, उससे तू रूबरू हो जाये अगर फुरसत मिले तो।

अब तो रुसवाइयों से भी फर्क नई पड़ता मुझे किसी की, क्यूंकि मैं तो हर वक़्त इस गफलत में हूँ कि उसे मनाने और दिल, दिमाग, और पूरे ज़ेहन से मोहब्बत करने में कोई कमी ना रह जाये बस...!

Its when you...

When you've things to share nobody to talk to, it's when you're life's in a mess and no hope to count on, it's when you want to dial up to someone but the unfortunate step you take is, that you stop from calling up to that person because no more that person is interested in you
You're left alone to deal with your own stuff, created by yourself.
That's the time your life takes a turn to walk down the corridors of haunting memories when you had them walking right beside you.
You cry every time you miss that person. Actually you just can't get them out of your head at all.

What if...!

Got up this morning, checked phone, a smile popped up...(yeah...you know why...), prepared coffee, made plans...Etc, a normal day started.
Happiness all around but what if it all disappears.

Let go...! Of things...

Often we have seen people in despair and sorrow. We also have seen people breaking down because someone did something that the person didn’t like. People go through hurt feelings and sometimes end up in drastic decisions made and destroy their own life because it doesn’t let you be free. It drags one into negativity. Once the person develops negative feelings towards other person, s/he stops enjoying (in actual sense “living”) life.

O wait a minute…! Actually when I say about “people”, it could be you or (definitely) I too.
I’ve decided to ‘let go’ of the things that bug me or get me angry or disappointed. Things are connected with certain people. And which things bother you the most? The things which are done to you by the people who are closer to you, the people whom you love.
And if you don’t let go of the things done wrongly by the people you love. You will miss them in the bargain because you can’t connect with them fully because that “wrongness” is always attached to them.
Forgiveness is the key to Relate better and Love More…
(I am trying to live it ! All the best to you !)

Fear of fear

I am a passenger...So I'm walking down the road...It brings me to some beautiful things and to some ugly ones too..
Well...That's the part of the game..

Well fill my lungs full of smoke,
Fill my belly full of beer,
Fill my nights with bad jokes,
Told by folk full of fear,
Fill my eyes with a stinging,
Fill my time with wishing she was here,

Fill my wide with a narrow,
Fill my safe full of danger,
Fill my bed full of shadows,
Fill my dreams full of strangers,
Fill my ears with a ringing,
Fill my heart with a fear of fear,

Well fill my cup half empty cause its never been half full,
Fill me up paint me over like a damp patch on the wall,
Leave me lying on my stomach on your neighbour's bathroom floor,
I'm only here until tomorrow any way,
I'm burning up like a fever that rages in the night,
Spark me up I'm a firework I'll burst in to light,
For it's better to burn out than to fade out of sight,
That's what someone told me any way,

So fill my lungs full of smoke,
Fill my belly full of beer,
Fill my nose full of cocaine,
Fill my eyes full of tears,
Fill my short with a longing,
Fill my time with wishing I wasn't here,

Oh fill my past with regret,
Wrap my present in brown paper,
Fill my future with promises that promise to come later,
Fill my heart with a stinging,
Fill my heart with a fear of fear.

Keeping Our Perspective

One of my clients recently told me of a situation at her office. She had just completed her third year with her organization. She had received exemplary annual reviews every previous year. She made a mistake a few weeks earlier that caused the company to lose money, and she was reprimanded harshly. Her supervisor said they were watching her closely.

My client felt hurt, angry, and disappointed. How could her three years of exemplary service be so quickly forgotten over one mistake? Her needs for respect, consideration, value and understanding were not met in this situation.

Don’t we all want this, really? Don’t we all want to be valued in our totality, to be loved even when we make mistakes? Wouldn’t we also like to offer this to ourselves?

Compassion is about seeing the humanness in everyone, including ourselves. One way to express compassion is to remember your entire relationship with someone, rather than focusing on one disappointing incident.

*Be aware of opportunities today to connect to the history of love you feel for someone in your life even if the present situation is painful.*

_(This reflection is an excerpt from  Peaceful Living: Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing, and Compassion by Mary Mackenzie)_

The long road

"The Long Road"

You've walked a long road and you've worn it well
You stitched yourself up when you fell
Keep your memories in jars
Carry secrets in scars
Beneath your shell

You've seen some good days, and some bad ones too
You weave through fashion and trend
You've seen a sun rise on an ocean blue
You've seen it set for the dearest of friends

You found faith but you, chose to doubt it
You found love but you, left without it
And now you don't want, to talk about it

You travelled down through foreign lands
Touched mountain tops and golden sand
Seen pyramids and temples made of stone
Keep seashells in a cashmere scarf
A treasured book of photographs
In every single one you stand alone

You've seen Vienna and the Berlin wall
As you watched the decades fall
The letters that you wrote never made it home
Your birthdays flew past like June
With Christmas days in hotel rooms
And new years eve with people you don't know

You built friendships but they, sailed without you
You never meant it and that's why, they doubt you
And they don't ever talk about you

You're older than you used to be
The mirror weaves a tapestry
Of lines that dance and shimmer 'round your eyes
You stare back at a man, forever holding out his hand
As if the answer's going to fall out of the sky

But the penny never dropped
And no man has ever stopped time from flying by

Who am i

"Who Am I To Stand In Your Way"

Forgive me
I may have said things
That aren't exactly
The way that I feel

I told you I'd be strong
I said that I moved on
But it doesn't take long
To realize

That I'm not over you

But if there is anything that makes you feel happy
Tends to your heart in the ways I'd been lacking
Then who am I, who am I to stand in your way
To stand in your way
To stand in your way
I won't stand in your way

I know it sounds crazy
But I need you to trust me
If it's how it must be
Then I'll fade away

When it finally feels true
Then do what you have to
Cause I'd never blame you
For not choosing me

But I'm not over you

But if there is anything that makes you feel happy
Tends to your heart in the ways I've been lacking
Then who am I, who am I to stand in your way
That I feel is no longer your burden
If there is anything that can make you feel perfect
Then who am I who am I to stand in your way
To stand in your way
To stand in your way
I won't Stand in your way

Down the road someone will ask me if I know you
I'll pause for a moment, I'll smile and say that I used to

If there is anything that makes you feel happy
Tends to your heart
The ways I've been lacking
Then who am, I who am I to stand in your way
That I feel is no longer your burden
If there is something that make you feel perfect
Then who am I who am I to stand in your way
To stand in your way
To stand in your way
I won't Stand in your way
I won't Stand in your way
I won't Stand in your way

Here as i sit alone

There's this feeling of sitting alone and thinking of the moments we've been together happy, no fear of hardships.
Here I am sitting with people but lonely...had no idea before that I may have to sit like this ...
It's a still water lake but ripples all around ... Too many fish.
It's the same place (Mansar lake-J&K) where I have been with jose and tijo...I miss them too...

Listening to this song called "for the last time" by Jack Savoretti and it gives me the feeling of loneliness.  Waters give me the feeling of me being small and the huge thing in front of me. People coming here and going.
You're not speaking to me these days and you can understand very well how will I be... inside.
We'll be moving away from this place now...going to board the train back to delhi.

You know it..!

Have never been away from you? No..! Because you know me so well. Whatever I've been what I am now, all this... everything that has changed me from then till now. All that we have gone through...all that has tried to separate us, everything. My strengths and weaknesses in different times, including the sickness and my mood...all...! You know me so well that I can't even think of sneaking away from you.
My situation when I'm without and my cheerfulness when I'm with you...my sorrowful moments when you're not speaking to me and my joy when you enjoy me talking to you.
You know it naa...!
I'll do anything that it takes to see you...be it anywhere, any place, any cost...you know it naa...!
I'm impulsive and restless at times but you matter to me...you know it naa!

I'm perfect with my imperfections and I know it...but I love you mo2...you know it naa!

I can't imagine myself without you because you complete me ...you know it naa!
तुझे दुख दे के एक पल भी चैन से नहीं रहा हूँ मैं कभी भी...you know it naa!
If you don't forgive me and get back I'll die in this guilt only...the guilt that I couldn't even imagine that I'll go through...you know it naa..!
एक बार आ तो जा वापस और फिर देख तूने कैसा तराशा है मुझे...!

https://play.google.com/music/m/Tvwnsxqagxewdommioxinoerxmu?t=Kiss_This_Love_Goodbye_-_James_Blunt

I dont wanna change u

https://play.google.com/music/m/Txgzibqt57mj5jwn5lreacrz2wm?t=I_Don_t_Want_To_Change_You_-_Damien_Rice

I m the greatest bastard that u know

https://play.google.com/music/m/T75axkwyyibk3jnbm5qv2e3rrmu?t=The_Greatest_Bastard_-_Damien_Rice

...और कुछ नाकामयाब सी कोशिशें मेरी ...the other side of it...

कोशिश तो की थी कि जीत लुंगा हर किसम के दौरान, मगर ये कोशिश ही थी मेरी बस।
की है मगर...

उम्मीद तो की है कि जो भी हो, जाने नहीं दूंगा तुझे कहीं भी...पर अगर तू खु़द ही चले जाना चाहे...मेरी कोशिशों के बावजूद, तो तुझे ज़बरदसती रोकना भी तो ग़लत होगा ना..
किया मैंने ऐसा भी...

कोई कितना भी कोशिश कर ले, तेरे ख़याल तक जुदा नहीं कर पाता... उम्मीद है इसका ईल्म तो होगा तुझे।

...तो कुछ ऐसी हैं नाकाम कोशिशें मेरी...जो शायद का़मयाब रहें कि मैं इक भरोसेमंद इन्सान बन जाऊं तेरी ज़िंदगी का...
बस ऐसा ना हो कि शायद कभी ईतनी भी जान ना बचे कि कोशिश कर ना सकूं...
अभी तो है...

Were you there?

i expected you to show up in the morning, at least through a small msg in my inbox, you didn't do so, quiet a number of times.
I wanted you to be asking me whether I had food all the three times of the day or not, you didn't ask for it !
I thought at least in the evening you'll be there with me over the phone at least when I travel back home in the evening. You didn't
Did you forget me?
Did you not care for me these days?
😇
Yess honey...!
I did miss you...ALL THESE DAYS.
It's only, that I couldn't keep in touch with you as I wanted and as you would have liked me to.
But...I was writing this (what you're reading right now...)...😇
I had "YOU" in my mind all through.
Even when the class goes on, one way or another I get connected to you. When I'm traveling (even for a short distance, but...) I miss you...because We have been traveling together number of times....holding hands together.
I didn't realise where my day went when I was with you...I wish the day never ended!!!!
I was always thrilled with the mere fact that I'm going to be with you for coming three days. Only now I know how pathetic it is to be away for three days from you. A call a day isn't enough honey. 🙂
कभी यूँ भी तो हो, कि मैं याद करूँ और तू आये!
😇
I'll be back soon...
Do you know what comes to my mind these days...? i think this distance also makes it stronger for us...it propels us to reach each other as soon as possible. It shows the intensity of longing that we have for each other.... I love you.

...m i doing so...? Good to think

...there comes a phase in everyone's life when you've got to think of others too!
And may be for that, one has to face a little criticism also. People (your own people) may fail to understand you, just like you do...at times...or may be quite often.
Guts are needed to decide upon things sometimes. Maybe it makes more meaning at times, NOT TO BE THERE, as a chasing shadow or the pain in the ass. And when you let it loose, it actually brings you closer.
Maybe happiness is what you were trying to get but you loose it because you want the other person to be happier.
So more and more we talk about such things...it actually takes you to a journey towards yourself. It lets you come out of your ego n let's you live for them even better.
May be you find em may be you won't, but in any situation...JUST DONT STOP LOVING...
और अब पूछ के देखो खुद से...ये ही तो चाहिये...और कुछ नहीं।

बस इतना हो . . . के. . .

ख़ामोश था मैं मगर कुछ यूँ हुआ, के तूने जलज़ला सा ला दिया बियाबान में।
इस बियाबान सी ज़िन्दगी को आदत है अब तेरी, बस यूँ हो के...तूझे याद करुँ, और तू सामने हो मेरे।

पर याद तो तब आऐ कि जब तुझे भूल सकूँ मैं, मेरी तो सोच भी तुझसे शुरू और ख़त्म भी तुझपे।

अब और ना तरसा मुझे यूँ ख़बर ना ले कर मेरी, मैं आज हूँ मगर जान ले...के... ये ज़िन्दगी ना हो जाए... ख़त्म सी मुझपे...

बस इतना हो...के...तू हो। बस...

Priorities

I often hear people complaining from each other about keeping in touch...(especially about visiting or communicating through calls or texting etc.) Every time people hear these complaints, respond by saying "I'm sorry I was busy...", "My job sucks I'm always busy, I deal with clients so....", etc.
(I never quite understood why of it.)
Non of these responses convince the one who complaints. Why? Because one way or the other we all respond to someone like this.
Thus...we get this may not be true. It simply doesn't make any sense that someone doesn't get a few seconds to respond to your dear ones. This isn't genuine at all. (Exceptions are always possible...mind what I say... Exceptions, And exceptions don't happen everyday.)
So what is it then..? What makes people come up with such excuses?
Well...I thought about it and my hunch is that it's a matter of Priorities...that's it.
We prioritize the things or people who we value, who we are afraid of loosing.

We care and we support our relationship as n when needed. Everyone is wise enough to know when you may loose, and when to put a full stop, on what, and when to give up everything that is an obstacle and let the people experience that you CARE☺️

When our priorities shift ... We are vulnerable enough to loose some of our important things in life. We sometimes don't realize it till we actually loose them. It's too sad to see someone loosing something valuable.
We cry over a little things too if we loose them.
Heyy...if these are PEOPLE ...(especially those who care...)...Move your ass and get back to them...do whatever it takes...because people matter in our lives. .
Well, we may even prioritize the things that matter to them...their expectations...because we value them...we value all that they do...

That's how it is...why...? Because we love, n we want to be loved. When we love them...they're always the focus.

We live WITH THEM...we live FOR THEM

तू और मैं . . . कुछ इस तरह...

आज भी इस तरह से ही तू शामिल है मुझमे, कि जैसे बदन को साँस की आदत है।
कुछ एसी बात है तुझमे कि मैं अगर खा़क भी हो गया तो तेरे ख.याल भर से जान आ जाती है।
तू कुछ भी कर ले या चाहे जो भी हो जाए, तेरी यादगार हर ईक तसवीर मुझे देख कर मुसकुरा रही होती है।
कर लेगा भला क्या कोई मेरा कुछ, मेरे अंदर तेरे प्यार की ताकत जो होती है।
कुछ और मिलेगा नहीं ख़ुदा को भी मुझमें, मेरी रग़ रग़ में....तू  ही तो होती है।

Dont kill it...make it !

Every now n then I used to be strong in believing that we love. We just knew each other, but not so deep. But, as we started to know each other well, closer n closer, we came across a slightly or completely a different person. Well this is real s/he, and I m not so much acquainted with this new person.
This person has certain habits, ways of doing things which I may not like. I react...the other person also does the same...(so to say... defending one's own argument). When this comes in relationship it starts to take a different shape altogether because proving oneself better than the other isn't love, it's the game called "who's right!". And most of the time one thinks s/he is right and the other person is all wrong. It doesn't build up relationships it pushes away people from one's life.
U know what...life is too short to fight...spend it to love...n live...
Listen to their pain... complaints...n say yours too. But keep in mind you don't have to say all...right now...say the right thing at the right time.

...an evening in goa...

...Moon almost half ... statue of Jesus with hands stretched out...the hill in front ... Light house on it...giving hope to people ...not only in the sea but also to the ones who are sitting at the roof top (me)...cool breeze is blowing...
I'm here in goa 2500 kms away from my house. There are these ships in the sea...waiting for the dawn to move.
I'm missing you here. I am here.
Maybe you'll visit this place one day...you'll witness this surrounding...all what is here...and if possible then be here at this hour...or else in the evening when the sun sets...it's beautiful but except one thing... That I only hope to be with you here...but I actually am not...and imagine the pain one would feel if the one you miss...is fed up of your stupidity...
S/he is looking for a perfect person...I'm not...😢
One day when I am no more...when I'm desolve in this nature...when I'm free of all the fear ... You will look for me that day...I may not be found...I'll only be in your memories...depends...good or bad...or stupid.
This moon is no more beautiful for me...nothing is attractive here...tu khush ni h naa mujhse....kya karu...sab galat hi ho jata h mujhse. So it is justified when you say that I'm an idiot. You are right.
I am ... See ! Even now I'm busy thi king of you...I am smiling even now when i see your hand in mine in that pic...
How idiotic it is you see.
Sone ka waqt ho gya actually..