...odds of religion...

y, but in a fairly short time I had
also begun to notice other oddities. Why, if god was the
creator of all things, were we supposed to "praise" him so
incessantly for doing what came to him naturally? This
seemed servile, apart from anything else. If Jesus could
heal a blind person he happened to meet, then why not heal
blindness ? What was so wonderful about his casting out
devils, so that the devils would enter a herd of pigs instead?
That seemed sinister: more like black magic. With all this
continual prayer, why no result? Why did I have to keep
saying, in public, that I was a miserable sinner? Why was
the subject of sex considered so toxic? These faltering and
childish objections are, I have since discovered, extremely
commonplace, partly because no religion can meet them
with any satisfactory answer. But another, larger one also
presented itself. (I say "presented itself" rather than
"occurred to me" because these objections are, as well as
insuperable, inescapable.) The headmaster, who led the
daily services and prayers and held the Book, and was a bit
of a sadist and a closeted homosexual (and whom I have
long since forgiven because he ignited my interest in
history and lent me my first copy of P. G. Wodehouse),
was giving a no-nonsense talk to some of us one evening.
"You may not see the point of all this faith now," he said.
"But you will one day, when you start to lose loved ones."
Again, I experienced a stab of sheer indignation as well as

... don't know what to call it...

So that's how it goes...
I am with her and happy...Having courage and strength to do do anything that it takes. We're both happy. We make new promises and strengthen old ones. The whole world seems like everything is wonderful...
Then, there comes a moment when I loose it all... my moment of loosing is when I'm driven by an energy that demands from me of pleasure and be physically engaged intimately. My partner isn't willing and I simply don't stop doing anything I'm engaged with...
I thought one should have it if it becomes a need that can't be avoided without a harm... But it is also causing me my love if I simply force...
I settle down thinking I never understand her point of view. This is a bad feeling. Can't I just listen to, and do as expected in the best interest of both of us... maybe I'm reaching there...

That man on a bicycle

... when i come out of my house everyday I notice people on the road...
My mind goes back to the old and traditional way of "analyzing" (actually it might be judgement) their situation and what might be going on in their minds.
I normally do so...

Today when I was waiting at the signal for my friend to come and pick me up for a drop to my office, I saw this rather older man on a bicycle. He had (may be his best clothes) a shirt tugged into his pants. He was trying to go faster maybe but at the same time he was alert if vehicle approaches. May be he was happy also this morning. (May be a little happiness with the little that he may have...) He was on a bicycle though...
Then a car (new baleno with urban blue colour) honks nearby...It was my friend. I sunk into the front seat, with my glasses on, a nice song from passenger... and we went away... but I was thinking. Now my day gets over... n I thought of putting it here...

...what you do when...

Well I've been thinking lately that one can have a thousands of reasons to do what s/he does...
but what you do when...

-you think the things are fine now but suddenly someone proves it all other way around?
-you are doing all that you can, with all your strength, and it reaches nowhere close to the heart or mind of the other person?
-you get to hear all loving things and yet find them calculating the love to measure whether it weighs"appropriate" or not?
-you are provoked enough to be on the verge of deciding either to drop or continue a relationship?

-what you think you're doing if continuing in a relationship (no matter what) or vice versa?
... going through something like that...!😂

...moving still...(in a wrong direction?🤔)

Chose a way despite of the experiences of such roads, and pathways which have the storms all through and confused travelers themselves and the people of 'maybe yes maybe not' mentality.

They bring me to verge of deciding to divert and pickup on the highway, but then the hope of struggling through and making it till the end with the same passenger brings me back on this way again.

I have no idea how long and till what stop this passenger travels through these struggles with me. I feel sad if this passenger de boards and hits other highway, I'll be left alone. Then, may be these storms and struggles may not matter to me at all. They only have a meaning till my co-passenger travels with me.
But it leaves me in pain... again...!

I think in my head 'just be a co-passenger only so that when people come and go to their destinations (as it seems everyone is destined towards something or the other) you know only one thing... they're only the passengers and taking their journey's via different places.

Why try to make someone's destination as to reach you? Unless someone wants to travel with you because they've decided so.
You don't want to travel alone, especially when it's the only passenger you are traveling with.
In all this, the willingness of the other passenger is the most precious.

             ****

Well, last night I couldn't sleep
I got up and started walking
Down to the end of my street
And on into town

Well I had no one to meet
And I had no taste for talking
Seems I'm talking my whole life
It's time I listen now

Well I walk passed the late night boys
With their bottles in their doorways
And I walk passed the business men
Sleeping like babies in their cars
And I thought to myself, "Oh, son
You may be lost in more ways than one"
But I've a feeling that it's more fun
Than knowing exactly where you are

Like a stone
Carried on the river
Like a boat
Sailing on the sea
I'll keep on walking
Oh, I'll keep on walking
Until I find that love or that love comes to find me

             *****

Me (these days)

I'm thinking all the time these days. Things seem too difficult, close to impossible. At the same time there are people who expect from me to do everything like a super human. I'm not the one and so I am a good reason for their disappointment. There's love in my life too...But again ... with conditions😂 she keeps trying for us to stay in her own way though...
So...Living it these days with odds and evens of life. But most of the times... it kills me and I'm able to still challenge it...I wouldn't be what things are trying me to be... and I would prefer to look at the things in a different manner...
... I'm living it...😇

Head girl

Hey everybody !
I'm Janku and I'm here of course to ask you if it would be of some help to all of us if I'm voted as head school girl. Three questions that ran through my mind with the thought of head school girl.
1. What is head girl concept? What role is it of the one appointed?
I think it's more of a bridge between teachers/management and the students. The one who available internal and external matters as the face representative on behalf of the school. (Put more flesh here in your speech janku)
2. What would it mean to me?
I needed one such mediator always and I'm sure we all do. Let me tell you at the end when I leave the school I'll have the memories when I could be of some help to somebody and it worked. Above all I'll have a pride / satisfaction of contribution back to where I belong, here.

3. Why me?
Well...
One that I can think of now, is that I'm "ready & willing". Two, both school (teachers and management) and the students go through a lot (misunderstood efforts of each other at times). Let me just be that link to this chain that keeps connected direct or indirect to all the links, empowers them to be leaders and passes on that fire within.

Can I do that? Well I know that I can if you're willing to contribute your bit. I want myself to be more a receptive human and respond to you, and be available.
I know this is a critical position to be in but I'm willing to be that pleasant assistant/facilitator to my dear teachers and a person with always listening ears available to all my fellow mates.

All need to be dealt a little beyond than just the academics...Because I read a quote from someone (or you can say "from Don Bosco a friend of youth" - you decide): "Education is Relationship", "Education is of Heart". I feel responsible to bring ourselves close to it if not 100%
Focus is the nourishment of the emotional being.
Now I'm feeling sleepy janku...